Train Confessions: That New..New..

So close I can nearly inhale his breath, my breathing is now shallow and stuttered as I imagine his lips pressing against mine; exhaling sharply as my body submits to his  grasp, he pulls me so close not even sun rays can sneak between us; the hairs on my body dance feverishly and my secret trembles as he whispers the sweetest, sexiest, emptiest promises in my ear….

NAW…I don’t write erotica now but when ol’ boy reminded me, as he put it, “our kisses were magical”. I gotta admit, honey here, was weak. For a moment, I allowed myself to be physically, mentally and emotionally transported to 2001 when he and I first met.  We were young, reckless and in love.


I was faced with a few harsh realities a few weeks in.  Chief among them; we are no longer 21! What we shared though amazingly fun, emotional and fulfilling in that space and time, it most certainly was not love (I do adore him though). Lastly, my reckless days are pretty much behind me.

I wish I could say this was a story of lost love that was found and that we are living happily ever after but I don’t write fairytales either.

Interestingly enough, when you try to recapture something old, you inherently bring to life dead things. Dead things are stinky, decayed and contaminated. So why would we bring a dead thing into a vibrant situation?! I don’t know! Crazy!

Life is about evolution; change is the only constant and all that jazz. So knowing that we were not who we fell “in love” with over 15 years ago, conflict arose. When old friends and old situations don’t assimilate comfortably into your new world, you have some decisions to make. They may attempt to convince you that you have changed in an undesirable way and that you could have not possibly meant to alter your behaviors in this manner. When all the while you know full well the area of contention was targeted by you for  complete overhaul years ago.

You put in some pretty intense work and you have a right to be proud of your growth.

Do not compromise simply because you think no one has ever understood you like them or you relish the vivid memories of how mind blowing it is was to……..and that too……..oh yeah you really like to do that with them…….and he’s the ONLY one that did THAT……

…I’m going to let your imagination finish all of that right there 😳…

As great as ☝️🏾is, no matter how vivid the memories are, it’s really not worth it. He/ she are good-hearted wonderful people and you may have been pretty dope back then too. However, you cannot nor should you live those years again.  More importantly, if they really loved you they’d want to get to know the current you even if that meant you two were no longer compatible.

Keep in mind that unless cryogenics were involved, they have undergone changes as well. There are relationships and experiences that have shaped them during your time apart.  For instance, I began to notice that my dear friend did not treat females in the same way he once did. The dude who used to be super giving, sweet and sensitive was now a prick.  After the initial week, these “changes” became evident. I was accustomed to be treated well not just by him but by males in general. He was less than accommodating, I expressed my unwillingness to compromise on this point.  He told me I was argumentative. Meh! He’s not the first. It didn’t work.  We’re both to blame. End of story!

Emotions are funny, but what I do know is that they are unreliable. Be observant!  Talking yourself out of the truth because you want a different outcome doesn’t change the TRUTH! If that old thing is compromising the new you, leave it in the past. Keep the memories!


You can give it a whirl, screw up the present and taint the memories of what may have been a beautiful past experience…
My advice is to leave that crap in the past and get with that new new 😉

~She’s back 💋

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