I confess that I was not on the train but rather in a Zipcar this morning listening to the radio when I heard a quote that resonated with me. I was feeling real good, you know how it is when they list the traits of highly effective people and you’re like, “Yep, I do that!”, but truthfully you just go through the motions of being effective you’re not truly effective. Or maybe that’s just me. I’m going to keep confessing and leave your business out of this.
SO AS FOR ME, I was the loudest one in the proverbial Apostolic Amen corner who goes home on Sunday afternoon to her neglected Bullet Journal and continues being unfaithful and less than dutiful. I wasn’t practicing what I so vehemently tried to convince myself (okay, lied) I did so well.
As I sat at my desk strumming my pen while half-heartedly looking for a pencil, because how dare I commit to something again; all I could hear was Yoda’s voice saying, “NO! Try not! Do or Do not! There is no try.”
Wait! What? I’m not trying?! Wait, there’s no such thing as trying?! I was puzzled for a moment, then I ran across a page I ripped from an old journal dated December 4, 2014. I don’t know why I had it or why I wrote it at the time, however, its subject was; My Three Hopes. In brief, I wanted wisdom (had no idea what I was asking for 😳), I desired a career that tapped my creativity, and I wanted my marriage to be one that my children wanted to emulate. At first glance, I laughed and thought to myself two out of three ain’t bad.
Yet, what caught my attention was what else was on the page. It was the scripture attached, Habakkuk 2:2. Many people quote simply to write the vision, however, there is an action mentioned afterwards in many versions and that is to run. So I was sitting there this morning looking crazy, thinking what did I DO to precipitate a marriage that was admirable.
See, wisdom comes with submission of will. I love my job and I’ve been blessed to work somewhere that pushes the boundaries of my creativity. I am grateful for the place that I am in professionally but this didn’t happen overnight.
Healing and wholeness comes after the work. But so does good communication, understanding, and collaboration. Honestly, I had my hang ups in the above-mentioned and after awhile I no longer cared to address them, the reasons no longer matter.
I feel like I keep saying this and it’s only because I’m learning the HARD WAY, do not forsake the work! This is not the first document I’ve read from 2014 that has given me pause, it’s like that year is speaking to me posthumously 😩. What is more disheartening, was how TOUGH that year was for me. As I reflect on my journal entries though, I HAD the answers; I just refused to move, to leave, to do…
Stop Making Excuses!
It doesn’t get easier two years later, I promise you…